When Depression Kicks You In The Backside

As a teenager, we deal with a lot of pressuring issues that eventually, whether we want it to or not, catches up to us and asks for a rather big price. School is one where we stress day in and day out about whether we have completed an assignment that needs to be handed in the next day or whether something stupid you did the day before will be remembered by your fellow class mates. Stressful, right?

Another issue is your outside social life which at times can be very suffocating. When things go wrong in your friend group–an argument or something else–it can be hard to know what to do and sometimes when this happens it can feel like the world is crumbling and falling apart, as if the earth beneath your feet has suddenly gone very unstable. It’s terrifying because you stress and wonder whether your friendship is going to last through this hardship. Just recently–and by recently, I mean literally 20 minutes before I decided to write this–that was how I felt. My birthday is coming up in a week and I decided to do some pre-birthday fun and that was all good until somebody decided to cancel because they hadn’t realised they had made plans prior to this. Anyhow, it literally blew up. There was a lot of arguing from both sides and before my very eyes, it seemed like the world was crumbling down around me.

A few years ago, I had a similar situation in which my friend was beginning to change. To me these changes were not favourable on my part and through another one of my friends, she found out that we weren’t exactly liking it. So she picked a fight with me and once again, everything blew up. It’s safe to say, we never fully recovered and after certain events afterwards, we are no longer friends. It is saddening to say the least.

When this sort of stuff happens, it is terrifying. After my previous experience, I’m scared that this is it, that the invisible tether of rope that has held us together as friends for so long has now snapped. And unfortunately, I am terrified that it won’t be able to be joined back together.

I really hope that is not the case. I really hope that our friendship is stronger than that, that we can come back to our friends no matter what.

Anyway, it’s not just the friendship and the schooling, although those are large proportions of it, it is everything else in between too. Extra-curriculum activities, and because this is a blog that I intended to be for my writing journey, writing can also be a stressful issue. I really wanted to have finished editing my novel before school began but unfortunately that didn’t happen and now I am two weeks into my final year of high school and am having to do only small bits of editing in whichever small bits of free time I can find.

It’s all of this stress that is building up on our shoulders that is gradually beginning to get heavier and heavier until things are feeling a little bit darker than usual. It’s all good while you’re at school, surrounded by friends and laughing with them. But it’s the coming home part that is depressing, where there is no friends to laugh with. I’m not quite sure how to explain it, but this is what it feels like for me. And particularly tonight after a depressing and tearful night, things for me are feeling a little bit blue.

I guess I am going to just have to try and beat it because it affects not only me but my friends and family too, and it also affects what I do and how well I perform. Just for a bit more stress, right?

~PasoMaddie

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